Escape. We all do it. We all have to. We escape from reality for just a bit. There are so many ways we escape. Read. Eat. Exercise. Play. Game… Which can be great but then somehow… we escape too much. I know that I am guilty of this… especially over the past year. Let’s face it, I am not where I want to be in life. It is no ones fault but my own. I guess I thought if I didn’t deal with it… somehow it would just magically correct itself. I’d be moving in the direction I wanted to but instead it did the obvious… it just delayed. And now I sit here in front of the computer knowing I’ve wasted another year. Have I reached my goal weight? Heck no. Have I found happiness with myself? Umm… definitely not. Do I smile more? Uh… maybe the fake smile… Do I have that dream job? Nope. Great guy? HA HA HA! Do they even exist?! And what have I done about it?! Not a whole bunch… My soul seems to be made up of a bunch of band-aids and they all seem to be losing their stickiness together. Ugh… Depression… Why do you feel so at home to me? Why do I let it get so bad? Even when I feel the warning signs, I just keep letting the water rise until I’m almost drowning… Do I think I deserve to feel this way? Is this me punishing myself for something? I hate it. But I also know it’s normal. I will be ok. I won’t give up… I just need to keep trying. I need to keep blogging. I need to keep figuring out this thing we call life…



New Year. New Rules. New People. New Outlook.

I’ve been gone from blogging for almost 6 months. A lot has happened in those 6 months. And it’s complicated. For me, this site has helped me through so much. It also has caused some issues. I get so much joy and motivation when I know I’ve helped others in my situation. But sometimes the pressure of that is too much. When I mess up. When I gain weight. When I forget to blog. Then I’ve been gone for so long where do I even begin. How do I let my readers know I care when it looks like I’ve abandoned ship? Because I did. I totally did…

The only way I know how to even describe what goes on in my brain when I blog (or don’t blog) is how I view laughter. Laughter is so many things. I laugh when I am happy… I also laugh when I’m nervous or scared… and I even use laughter as a mask – when I’m hurt and sad and don’t want the world to know. That sound or image that everything is ok. That I’m ok, even when I’m not.

So this year, my blog gets even more real. I started this as a journey to a new me. About more than just weight. Because I am more than the size of my jeans. But I forget that. I start focusing on that number. I get frustrated and mad and disappointed AND EAT. Making that number stay the same and cause me even more frustrations. And I take it out in all parts of my life. It becomes my life. That number.

But it is the new year. Most of us start the new year with a new healthy lifestyle. So I am. I’ve had the most success with the SHRED lifestyle. And so I will begin tomorrow with Week 1 Day 1 of SuperSHRED. This time I will be joined in my new healthy lifestyle with some friends. They will be guest bloggers on this site. Though the details have not been completely worked out yet. I will not blog everyday. I can’t blog everyday. I have put enough pressure on myself to succeed this year. To get healthy. To lose weight. To not having so many trips to the doctor. To not having to take medications that make me even more sick. Because I have this one life and I’m letting it pass me by… I want my laughter to come from a healthy place this year. Laugh because I’m happy not sad. Laugh because I feel good. Laugh because that number is getting smaller. Laugh because I’m here.  Laugh because laughter is contagious and I want the other people in my life to laugh too.

So that’s my new year’s resolution… to laugh as much as possible.


Stress and the Ambulance Ride

Let me just say this stress stuff is for the birds. Evidently, while I don’t think my stress is more than I can handle, it obviously is. And the medication my doctors had me on proved to be too much for me (possibly with the weight loss) that left me feeling completely horrible a few Sundays ago which led to me first calling my mom so my son wouldn’t be scared and then dialing 911.

Panic disorders (as I’ve been diagnosed with after a pretty minor wreck that uncovered a spinal cord injury in my neck – also introduced me to my very first panic attack not too long after) are very scary and very real. For anyone not knowing what these are or what they feel like… all I can say is I would never wish them on my worst enemy (not that I even really have one of those…) Anyway- for me they follow the same signs and symptoms as a heart attack. It can be in the most un-stressful situations (watching a movie, hanging with my son, relaxing by the pool, or even just sleeping!) and I start feeling strange. I start with this heavy feeling, my arm goes numb or tingles, extreme pressure in my chest, and difficulty breathing. The first thought is, “This is it. I am about to die.” Even knowing now that it’s probably just a panic attack… that initial thought is always the same.

I’ve learned ways to try to control it. My doctor has prescribed me medicine. These strategies don’t always work. It’s those times that it seems like well maybe I’m wrong… maybe this really is a heart attack this time. I asked the ER doctor about this while I was there. His response, “This won’t be the last time I see you in the ER. When your panic attacks present the way they do and you feel you’ve done what you can do… it is just better to be safe than sorry.” He said I wasn’t alone. Everyday they see patients in the ER for the exact same reasons.

I also have mitral valve prolapse which sometimes effects the outcome of my EKGs. So when the fire rescue arrived at my house (8 very nice men – and good looking too) were all in my room taking my vitals and what not. My EKG was off. They asked if I’d like to take an ambulance ride to the ER. I was hesitant at first.. Do I really need to, I asked. And the guy looked at me and said, “Only you know. But there are some things that are a little concerning and it’s always better to be safe than sorry.” He said if I didn’t want to go now. If I wanted to rest and see if I start feeling better but didn’t get better, I could always call them and they would be right back here for me. But I didn’t want to put them out again for coming back and I didn’t feel much better, so I chose the ride.

The ride is a pretty scary thing. I’m no fan of needles but was stuck in the arm in a moving vehicle going over potholes and whatnot. Ouch is all I can say. The stuff he had me chew (nitrate & aspirin) should come with a small sip of water. Yuck. But you lie there looking around feeling the tragedies and the emergencies that no doubt took place in the same place that you are lying now. It’s definitely a major reality check to take better care of yourself… you only get this one life.

The hospital revealed another abnormal EKG, they did an x-ray, gave me more meds, took blood work. And ruled out a heart attack! He wanted me to follow up with my doctor and take the next day to rest but after some time, I was released. That next day – I slept for 20 of the 24 hrs. No time to call my doctor as I barely felt that I could do anything. So the next day I called. They scheduled me to come in that Friday for tests. Just take another day to rest… obviously, my body needed it. I slept all but maybe 6 or 7 hrs. Wednesday I woke up and forced myself to get to work. Surely, I had plenty of rest… I’d lost almost 2 days to sleep. But an hour into work… I wasn’t feeling right. I called my doctor and they said come on in. While the nurse was taking my vitals, the machine for my heart rate was sounding its alarm. She said did they say anything about a low heart rate at the ER? Not that I remember, I said. Well its at 48. That’s really low. But finally (I’m sure because that just scared me and I started my panic) it went up and she took me to my room. I had to wait about 20-30 minutes for the doctor and for another EKG. This time my heart rate had dropped back down to 47. He said, I think possibly with your weight loss, your medicine is too strong. I am cutting everything in half. Let’s see if that helps things. Take the rest of the week and rest. Don’t over exert, don’t put yourself in stressful situations, just rest. So, I did. It’s quite boring to be a couch potato when you’re told to be.

I know I’ve just written a novel it seems… just wanted you all to know what’s going on… why it seems I’ve been MIA. I’m just trying to focus on staying calm and resting when I can. I go back to the doctor soon. I’ll keep you updated. I’m doing my best to make the best choices I can… but I have not been on plan. It’s hard when you are asleep for some of the meal times! I am feeling a bit better (though last night another episode- thankful for my boyfriend that can keep me calm even over the phone! He doesn’t realize how much he helped…) and plan to start regular SHRED as soon as possible.

Hope you all are doing well, staying healthy, and SHREDDING on!! Just remember to listen to your body… it really is always better to be safe than sorry!!

Much love- Lindsay


Stress, Patience, and the Gym…


So this cycle of SuperSHRED is not going as well… maybe I’m not being so OCD about every little thing like I was with the first cycle… but I keep losing and gaining the same 2 lbs. 2 LBS!?!! I lost that like the first 2 days of the last cycle!!! Ugh. I know it’s my fault. I’m definitely what you see in the dictionary when you look up emotional eater. I don’t deny the fact that it is me to a T. Work has been stressful… Home life – stressful… it’s summer and that throws my schedule off I feel like EVERYWHERE!!… I don’t deal well with change… So I stress. Stress. Stress. STRESS!!!

Yes, I’ve read all those articles about the effects of stress and your weight. I get it… I’m not supposed to stress…. I’m supposed to live life in this zen-like world and all will be…

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Stress, Patience, and the Gym…

So this cycle of SuperSHRED is not going as well… maybe I’m not being so OCD about every little thing like I was with the first cycle… but I keep losing and gaining the same 2 lbs. 2 LBS!?!! I lost that like the first 2 days of the last cycle!!! Ugh. I know it’s my fault. I’m definitely what you see in the dictionary when you look up emotional eater. I don’t deny the fact that it is me to a T. Work has been stressful… Home life – stressful… it’s summer and that throws my schedule off I feel like EVERYWHERE!!… I don’t deal well with change… So I stress. Stress. Stress. STRESS!!!

Yes, I’ve read all those articles about the effects of stress and your weight. I get it… I’m not supposed to stress…. I’m supposed to live life in this zen-like world and all will be better on the weight loss front. Well tell that to my anxiety disorder!!! That is absolutely impossible. It’s just not my personality… and to make matters worse… I’m also that person that takes on the stress of those around her… so yeah… there’s that…

It sounds like I’m complaining about my life… and maybe I am a little… but I am also extremely happy with where I am right now. So it’s this weird imbalance of things. Happy and stressed… my shrink will love this!! I’m not sure she’s ever encountered that combination with me… sure miserable and stressed, sad and stressed, zombie and stressed, but happy and stressed? It’s a new one.

Anyway- I JOINED A GYM!!! It was a Groupon deal at a local gym and I was like hey… why not?! Maybe I’ll do better at exercising since I’m growing tired of my videos and it’s like 100 degrees outside. Maybe this gym deal is a sign to help me with all the stress (cause yeah I’ve read those articles too… exercise and your stress magically disappears) So I’m excited to get in there and try new classes. I’ve also asked a guy here at work (that’s a gym guy… you all know these people – he truly does smile ALL THE TIME!!) if he would come up with a plan for me. I’m not a gym virgin… I’ve been to them… I used to frequent them quite often in my life. I’ve had personal trainers… even dated one… but I also know it’s been a while and well… I NEED HELP. And I’m not afraid to ask. Even gym pros need help sometimes. 🙂

I’m feeling like I need to repeat Week 1 and retry this all over again when I start the new gym program. I’m thinking maybe with doing them together all will be right in the world. But then I think maybe I need to move to SHRED and come back to SuperSHRED later? I’m not giving up. I still believe in the SHRED lifestyle… I’m just frustrated that I seem to be stuck. That dreaded plateau… And I want to get off it before I waste too much time there.

I just have to keep reminding myself this is a process. It’s not magic. It takes time. And I can do it. I just need to learn a little more patience!!! 🙂


Six… OMG SIX!!!!!

So here I am again… a month later… and I didn’t stick to the plan.  I am proud to say I didn’t gain everything I had lost back… but when I sat down on Saturday and ate 6 donuts in one sitting and didn’t even realize I had… I knew I had to stop this behavior and get back to Shredding… So I decided that Monday was my day to start over… AGAIN!!

Today I restarted SuperShred.  While it will be attempt 3… honestly… it will be only my 2nd time to stick with it… I WILL STICK WITH IT THIS TIME!!!

I don’t know what to say about my “time-out” that I put myself on.  I was just eating quick foods, eating out most of the time, and not always making the best choices (ahem.. 6 DONUTS!!).  Plus I really wasn’t exercising like I was and I got to the point where I wasn’t feeling good about myself and just feeling bad all over again… I’d been talking to my mom and sister about going back on plan but just didn’t… I really have no other excuse other than I just quit.  I think I just got overwhelmed with all I need to do… But after eating the 6 donuts (I’m going to keep saying that… bc every time I think about it – it just makes me sick) enough is enough.  I care more about myself than that.  So here I am telling the world that I was a quitter but not anymore.


I am back on plan.  I will lose more weight.  I will feel better about myself.  My body will feel better.  Others will notice. I am not a quitter… I CAN DO THIS!!!


Let’s try this again… #SuperSHRED Round 2 Week 1

Ok. So I disappeared. I know I did. And I sincerely apologize to each and every one of you that found inspiration in this blog. I lost sight of my end goal… let the depression sneak in… and let my life get overwhelming. I didn’t give up entirely. I still stuck to the program as much as possible… but there were the days of eating out and not exercising and well just not making the best choices overall.

I still feel like this is one of the best plans on the market. I’ve bought into the SHREDDER NATION craze. I find so many wonderful and uplifting stories on the other support groups. I see the struggles in others that we all face. I have seen first hand the RESULTS you get if you just do it. And it’s not asking too much. It’s pretty straight forward.

I’ve got friends & family that have joined in. Some are starting today… GOOD LUCK GUYS!!! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!!

But for Round 2 I am going to make changes…. I think for me and blogging I’m not going to commit to everyday. I will do my best to post everyday but I’m not going to put that pressure on me. I think that’s where some of my missteps fell last round. I feel like while I was doing OK in the diet, I was failing on the Blog and then my failures came in both places… I have no intentions of failing anything this go round. I am going to stick to the plan as best as I can. I am going to see more results than my 15 lost gain back 5 overall 10 gone in Round 1.

So let me just say again I’m sorry to all of my readers. I’m also going to say I’m sorry to myself. I let myself down and in return let you guys down. I’m not a perfect person. I will never be. But I am going to do my best each and every day to work on this and continue my journey to a better me.

Dr. Ian posted on Facebook today that DIETING IS 80% MENTAL AND 20% PHYSICAL… Oh what words of wisdom there… I totally need to KEEP my brain in the game.

So GOOD LUCK to you on whatever Stage of this journey you are on. I’m continuing on… Starting SuperSHRED over again… Here’s to Round TWO Week ONE Day ONE!!! AND I AM SO EXCITED TO GET THIS GOING AGAIN AND REMEMBER WHY I STARTED THIS ALL IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

My online Words of Wisdom for the Day…

#SuperSHRED W3 D2&3 – Yoga & the Down Day…

Today is Week 3 Day 3 for me. And for some reason I am having a mental down day. It’s not that I am sad about anything in particular just not this full of energy happy self I’ve been since I started the diet. The only thing I can see is that last night was pizza night. I’d skipped the pizza the last time it was an option but with the busy schedule thought why not?! So I’ve been eating super clean for a while and then had pizza last night and I feel like blah. Not sure if it’s the reason… but I won’t be looking forward to pizza for a while. Not liking this feeling. It’s like I just want to go curl up in the bed and maybe cry a little… ugh… hate this!! Part of the struggles with depression I am sure. But was hoping I was past these days. I guess one day in quite some time isn’t so bad. I should start trying to focus on the positives…

Yesterday I felt great! We started a program at work called Yoga Tuesday’s where we do an hour of Ashtanga Yoga during lunch time. I really enjoyed the class and feel lucky that our company is willing to do things like this to help improve wellness. I look forward to participating in more classes… and am sore today from stretching some muscles I haven’t in a long time!!! I think it’s important to try new things and challenge yourself when you can. I was super nervous about doing the yoga class and while I broke a sweat and wasn’t perfect… I had a good time and learned new things.

Tonight when I get home I am going to force myself to do the Burn 27 workout again. It wont take long, kicks my butt, and maybe will kick this crappy feeling out of me. I hope everyone is doing well on their journey. I’ve got to keep telling myself just take things one day at a time. I still believe in this diet and lifestyle and know I will be a SHREDDER for life.

I can do this!!! 🙂

i can

#SuperSHRED Week 3 – & the W2 vacay….

It’s the beginning of Week 3… which means weigh day!!! I am down another 2.8 lbs!! I am so thrilled that the weight loss is continuing down… even with the vacation I took at the end of the week last week. I was worried I might gain…

The end of Week 2 was not so bad as far as the food goes. I struggled getting in my water missed the timing of a few meals while out of town and I did not exercise… BAD GIRL!!! However, I had to find a new bathing suit while there and I was able to buy a size I haven’t been able to in YEARS!!! Especially in a bathing suit!!! I even talked the sales lady at the store into giving SuperSHRED and SHRED a try!!! She’s been struggling and she just said I was so cheerful (which I am and everyone has commented that I’m the happiest I’ve been in years) that she wanted to know what I was doing. I am not afraid to talk about this diet with people. I’m not saying it’s the easiest diet to follow. It takes planning and it takes discipline… but what things in life don’t that you want to succeed in. I am saying for ME it has been one of the easiest diets to fit within my lifestyle. It gives you choices and it gives you the ability to succeed. It doesn’t set you up for failure like so many I have tried (where if you eat a chocolate covered almond bc well it was there and you wanted it… it was like you just ate 20 chocolate cakes and you must start everything over because you’ve doomed yourself). SuperSHRED even gives you the option to have those dang chocolate covered almonds for a SNACK!!!!

Yes- some of the people around me have been hearing about how much I believe in this diet and how much it has helped me feel overall (not just the scale moving down… though I must say that is a great perk!) I have friends asking for me to send them the info or let them borrow the book (I haven’t been able to let my copy go- I still NEED it!!!) I feel like a kid shouting from the rooftops… This works! It makes sense!! I’ve met so many people on the FB support group that talk about how it has changed their lives and that they will be a SHREDDER for life!! If you want to know more comment. I’ll be happy to tell you more!!! With everything else I have ever tried I get those bummed out days where I just don’t want to diet… I want to eat what I want… but with this one… I have been completely content with all the choices I am given!! OK GETTING OFF MY SOAP BOX!!!

SO since I didn’t workout on vacation, I decided to take a little over a 2 mile walk at lunch today. It is a beautiful day! And it felt so nice to get outside. I hope I have the energy to do the Burn 27 DVD when I get home. I’ve missed it!! 🙂

Week 3 seems to be a lot different than the last two weeks. You only get 2 Meals but get 4 snacks with an optional floating snack if you need it. I will say I had a late start this morning so I was only able to get some fruit and a bite of cereal down. So I took my 1st snack as a protein shake so I wouldn’t be hungry. My shakes are 160 calories and this first snack is only 150 so I just didn’t drink the whole thing. Here is my plan for today!

SuperSHRED Week 3 Day 1 Meal Plan
Meal 1: Strawberries + cheerios (only a bite)
Snack 1: Protein Shake
Snack 2: Apple
Snack 3: Potato w/ Salsa
Meal 2: Chicken + asparagus + peppers
Snack 4: Granola Bar



Over 1600 views & 11 diff countries since starting #SuperSHRED I’m only on WEEK 2!!!!

Thank you so much for all of the support. I hope that I am able to inspire some of you and you join me on this journey. It’s been a long struggle for me. But I’ve found something I believe in and it’s working!!

Much love to you all!! And join the #ShredderNation if you haven’t already!!! 🙂

Dr. Ian Smith’s Website